Relational Discipleship – Part One: Why It Matters

"How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: 'How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!'" – Romans 10:14-15 NIV

In a recent article, I mentioned that “99% of pastors say their church is not very effective at evangelism.” (Is Evangelism Dead?)

Lance Hahn writes:

“The best and healthiest form of evangelism is done through meaningful and heartfelt relationships. Although ‘cold call’ methods were effective in the past, that day is most likely gone. (p. 44) People in the post-modern world are craving connections. They are refusing to respond to modern mass ministry. But since we, as ministers, are busier than ever, we try again and again and again to shorten the process and mass-market it. It is not working. (p. 45)”[i]

I couldn’t agree more. The days of just expecting people to walk through our church doors on Sunday disappeared as soon as people had other options. There was a time when church on Sunday was the central hub for worship and social connection. Now, there are many competing ways for people to find connection.

Add to that the decline of inherited faith, mistrust of institutional church, religious pluralism, and rising secularism—and it’s no wonder most of our communities spend their Sunday mornings elsewhere.

But what if we looked at our mission to make disciples through the lens of Jesus? He spent time connecting with people, building relationships, and then addressing their deeper spiritual needs. That method has always worked better than any attractional or mass marketing strategy the church has attempted in the last century.

This article is part of a three-part series on relational discipleship and how we can rediscover our One Excellent Mission—to make disciples of Jesus Christ.

Why Relational Discipleship Matters

Relational discipleship is the intentional cultivation of friendships, trust, and authentic connections that arise as we live out our call to love God and love people. We must do this before we’ve earned the right to share the Gospel. I call this building relational equity. People won’t trust you with their deepest spiritual questions until they’ve experienced the authenticity of your faith.

As Hahn mentioned, people are “craving connections,” but they distrust the institutional church. What they are looking for is connection with people who are genuine and trustworthy.

The Core Principles of Relational Discipleship

Genuine Connection

• Genuine Listening and Being Present

  One of the most Christlike acts is offering someone your full attention. Jesus often stopped to truly hear people. In Mark 10:46–52, He pauses for blind Bartimaeus when others wanted to move on. Jesus asked, “What do you want me to do for you?”—a powerful invitation that came after genuine presence.

• Meeting People Where They Are

  Jesus didn’t wait for people to come to Him. He went to their homes, roadsides, and wells. In John 4, He engages the Samaritan woman—not just to correct her, but to offer dignity and grace. He led with conversation and relationship before calling her to change.

• Mutuality and Respect

  Jesus dignified others by asking questions (Luke 24:13–35) and sharing meals (Luke 19:1–10). Discipleship isn’t one-sided; it’s walking together in faith.

• Mirroring Jesus’ Compassion

  Jesus saw people, not projects. Matthew 9:36 tells us He had compassion for the crowds because they were “harassed and helpless.” Our approach must begin with that same posture of compassion.

Be Proactive in Christian Hospitality

Hospitality is more than a meal—it’s making space in your life. In my book, The Kitchen Table Gospel, I write about how the kitchen table becomes sacred ground where meaningful conversations happen naturally.

Jesus modeled hospitality by welcoming outsiders and honoring the overlooked (Luke 14). Relational discipleship begins when we open both our homes and our hearts. No seminary degree is required, just a willingness to make space for others in our lives.

Building Relational Equity: Persistent, Faithful Love

Relationships and transformation take time. That’s why relational discipleship requires persistence. Galatians 6:9 encourages us: “Let us not grow weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

Jesus spent three years walking with His disciples before they fully understood who He was. If the Son of God took time to build relationships, so should we.

In Summary

Relational discipleship is not just effective—it’s Christlike. It’s not about mass methods, but meaningful friendships. When we lead with hospitality, authenticity, and humility, we reflect the very heart of Jesus.

In Part Two, we’ll explore the real challenges facing the church today—and how relational discipleship helps us face them.

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Let’s make disciples—one relationship at a time.

[i] THE POWER OF FAITHFULNESS IN RELATIONAL EVANGELISM Lance C. Hahn

Hahn, L. C. (2020). The Power of Faithfulness in Relational Evangelism. Great Commission Research Journal, 12(1), 43-53. Retrieved from https://place.asburyseminary.edu/gcrj/vol12/iss1/3